LET’S TAKE A (well deserved) LAUGH BREAK!

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A pastor and a priest stood alongside the road with signs saying “The end is near!” And “Turn your ways before it’s too late!”

A man drove by and saw their signs and yelled out his window “You guys are nuts!!” And continued driving. A few moments later they heard the sound of screeching tires followed by a splash. The pastor looked at the priest and said, “Maybe this isn’t the best way to let people know that the bridge collapsed.”


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The pastor told the Congregation: “Spiritually, we’re comatose. We all need to wake up.” The worshippers’ refrain went, “We’re waking up, reverend, we’re waking up.”

“Then we need to start standing up.” “We shall stand, reverend, we shall stand.” “After that, we need to start walking.” “We shall walk, reverend, we shall walk.” “After that, we need to start running.” “We shall run, reverend, we shall run.” “And to run,” the pastor thundered, “we shall need money.” They went silent for a minute. Then their refrain went: “We shall walk, reverend, we shall walk.”



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A man is sleeping peacefully in his comfortable bed.
His mother suddenly yells at him, “GET UP! YOU’LL BE LATE FOR CHURCH!”
He groans. “I don’t want to go to church.”
Mom: “Why not?”
Man: “I don’t like any of the people there. They’re such goodie goodies, it’s boring.”
Mom: “But you have to go to church!”
Man: “Give me one good reason I should go to church.”

Mom: “Because you’re the dang pastor Phil.”

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A pastor and an airline pilot meet St Nick at the Gates to Heaven. The airline pilot is first to approach the saint.

Peter: Name and profession please
Pilot: John Williams, Ryanair pilot.
Peter: *riffles through a massive book* John Williams…John Williams… umm… ah yes!
Peter: clicks his fingers and a beautiful silk robe and ornate golden staff appear out of thin air.
Peter: please take these, and you may enter the kingdom of heaven!
Pilot: alright! *takes robe and staff and runs through the gate.

Pastor approaches.

Peter: Name and profession please.
Pastor: Frederick Adams, pastor, preacher, religious leader.
Peter: Frederick… Adams… pastor… yes… here you are.
Peter snaps his fingers and a simple cotton robe and plain wooden staff appear.
Peter: Please take these, and you may enter the kingdom of heaven!



The pastor pauses, and chooses his words carefully.
Pastor: St Peter, I really don’t mean any disrespect, and I trust and have faith in his ways… but why does John, an airline pilot, of all people, get a golden staff and silk robe, and I, a man who had dedicated his life to god, get a cotton robe and wooden staff?
Peter: Oh, well you see, here in heaven, we work on a merit system, and when you were preaching, people were sleeping.
But when John was flying, people were praying!


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A pastor walked outside walked outside of the church because he heard the children being loud. He sees the kids all grouped up. “What are you doing?” The children make the circle wider to show a puppy they had found. “It’s a beautiful dog, who will take it home?” The pastor asks. The children look at each other until one of them speaks up. “I know! Whoever tells the biggest lie can take it home! Would you like to play pastor?” The pastor shrugs his shoulders and says, “I don’t know, it will be hard because I’ve never told a lie.” The child picks the dog up and hands it to the pastor, “Here you go. You win.”


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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.
It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up: stood beside the little boy: and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.”

“Good morning. Pastor,” he replied, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor, what is this?”

The pastor replied, “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, “Which service, the 8:00 or the 10:30?”

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A church pastor is invited to dinner at the house of a parishioner.

The pastor sits at the table with the family. The mom requests her daughter, age six, say grace before the meal. She sits in silence. “It’s okay, dear,” the mother calms her. “You can do it. Just repeat what you heard daddy say before breakfast this morning.”

The little girl folds her hands, bows her head, and says in a loud voice, “Oh Christ, why did you invite the pastor over for dinner tonight?”


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A greedy old miser dies alone. In his will he’s divided his fortune between his pastor, his doctor, and his lawyer with one last request…

The old man’s will states that he wishes to take his fortune with him. His final request is that these three, the last man on earth he feels he can trust, each bring their allotment of his fortune to his funeral, ten million each, and deposit the money in his coffin and bare witness as it’s sealed and lowered into the ground.

On the day of the funeral, unsurprisingly, the pastor, doctor and lawyer are the only three on attendance. As they gather around the coffin the pastor speaks first.

“I’m sorry, gentlemen. I could not fully honor our friends dying wish. His money can do nothing for him in the afterlife, but here on earth it can still do some good. So, I confess that I’ve donated one million to several reputable charities I know are in need of funds and used another million to sponsor missionaries to spread the word of God. But look.” he opened a bag of cash he had with him.

“I still have the remaining eight million. I trust this will be enough to satisfy our friend and justify me before the Lord.” And he dumped the money into the coffin.

The doctor spoke next.

“I too have partially betrayed the trust of our friend. I feel a little guilty, but I can’t condone burying all this money while so many people are suffering. I gave two million to my hospital to help them update and replace all our old, outdated equipment and I donated two million to Doctors Without Borders to help them save countless lives in the developing world.

“But I’ve brought the other six million.” With that he opened the bag he carried and dumped the cash into the coffin.

“Our greedy friend can still rest in peace and I can still live with myself.”

The lawyer glared at the other two with a stern expression.

“How dare you? Both of you ought to be ashamed of yourselves! It’s not a question of what this money could or could not be used for. It’s a question of legal and moral responsibility. Our poor friend wasn’t benevolent, or generous, or even very nice. That caused everyone he knew to abandon him. Everyone but we three. We were the only three in the world he trusted to honor his last request.”

At this he produced an envelope from his coat pocket.

“That is why I will leave this check for the full ten million with our dearly departed friend.”


Now keep that smile on your face all day long, and share it with everyone you meet!

<>< Pastor Bob